Eating Disorders in Midlife – Not Just a Young Women’s Issue
Lived experience advocate Sue Cody shares her speech on eating disorders in midlife, from the Butterfly and Jean Hailes for Women’s Health World Menopause Month webinar.
Hi, my name is Sue Cody. I am 56 years old, a wife, a mother, and a fur mum of two cats and two newly acquired puppies. This is my story.
It all began in my early 20’s, when I got the idea into my head that if I lost some weight, it may make a guy I was infatuated with like me more. This spiraled out of control, and lead to bulimia. The next eight years were a blur of overexercising, skipping meals, binging, and purging.
Turning 30 saw me become a parent, and motherhood took priority over the eating disorder, with it only rearing its ugly head during times of stress.
Life is supposed to begin at 50, or so I had been told, but for me this is where it all began crumbling down again. There were many changes on my horizon, and they nearly depleted me. I thought when a woman reached a certain age and began “the change of life”, she went straight to menopause.
However, I’ve since discovered a new term, called perimenopause – something I had never heard of before, and I now know this is where it all begins. This saw a transformation of my body, and not the good kind. My weight increased, which in turn led to my low self-esteem, self-loathing, and hatred of myself escalated.
These changes coincided with our daughter, and only child, leaving home for university. Motherhood had played a huge role in my life, and as an empty nester, this left me with a huge void in my existence. I felt like my whole world had been turned upside down and that I no longer had a purpose in life.
Having suffered from anxiety and depression for many years, the onset of menopause, feeling a lack of purpose, alongside weight gain, all had a major impact on my mental health. I felt that my anxiety and depression worsened, leading me down a dark path, and my way of dealing with all these changes was to bring the eating disorder back into my life – but this time, in the form of anorexia.
The next few years were not what one would call pleasant. They were filled with great amounts of weight loss, hospital admissions, stress and worry for my loved ones, many lost opportunities to create lasting memories with family and friends and even more self-loathing and shame for behaving in such a way that someone my age should ‘know better’ than to engage in. My world shrunk as I completely focused on weight loss, exercise and food. People living with anorexia may seem like they are not interested in food, but this is not always the case. For me, my head was full of food noise. What can I eat? What can’t I eat? How much fat/sugar/calories are in that? I’d be thinking about what I would love to eat. The list goes on.
Not only was I dealing with the shame of being an older woman with a so-called ‘younger woman’s illness’, who ‘should have known better than to behave in such a way’ – there was also the constant struggle to get the help I needed, when so many professionals also had this biases and misconceptions that I didn’t ‘fit the mold’. On more than one occasion I have had to set the record straight with a medical professional, that anyone at any age can have an eating disorder and that it doesn’t have a specific ‘look’.
Living regionally made the battle even harder to get support, as help just wasn’t as readily available. But while Covid-19 caused chaos around the world, it also resulted in increased service accessibility and improved help-seeking for people living regionally, as services were made available online and virtually. Through these online services, more support is now readily available, no matter your location. I have since been able to attend outpatient services, including many programs and services offered through Eating Disorders Victoria and Butterfly, which I have found quite beneficial. I can also access other supports online now, like therapy, dietitians, support groups and Eating Disorder coaching – both private and group. I have even discovered the benefit of online art therapy.
One such program that I have found extremely helpful is the SE-ED program that was offered through Eating Disorders Victoria. SE-ED stands for severe and enduring eating disorders, and was offered to people who had been experiencing eating disorders for many years. The program included education classes, peer mentoring, support groups and an ongoing support group upon completion of the program. The key element of this program was that it never focused on ‘complete recovery’, but instead the importance of increasing the quality of life, which helped me greatly, as it reduced the pressure of ‘fully recovering’ and failing. The program also opened my eyes to the fact that I was not the only person who had been suffering for a long time, and more importantly that there are many people out there my age and older with an eating disorder.
These resources, services and supports have made a world of difference for me – from an amazing GP, psychologist, peer support workers, the programs and services offered through Eating Disorders Victoria and Butterfly, ED coaching, art therapy and the amazing support of my family and friends – who never gave up on me, even when I did. These have all contributed to helping me to seek recovery.
I have found peer support, where I’m able to engage with others who have walked the path of an eating disorder, to be especially helpful. No one can better understand what you are experiencing, than someone who has been on a similar journey.
I have had many regrets over the last few years, the least not being the pain and hurt I have caused my loved ones, but also the many missed opportunities to be fully present in the company of my friends and family, and to create great memories to look back on.
This is one of my main goals for seeking recovery. I don’t want to look back on my life with my bucket of achievements empty, but for the success of weight loss. Another regret, which may seem quite bizarre for some women, is my experience with menopause. I honestly don’t know if I was one of the lucky ones who never experienced any menopausal symptoms, or if my experience living with anorexia caused me to ‘skip’ menopause. Either way, I feel kind of ‘cheated out’ of experiencing what I feel is an important stage of a woman’s life.
In closing, I would just like to pass on a few key messages to those experiencing eating disorders later in life. Keep pushing until you get the results you are after and don’t take no for an answer. If you can’t get what you are looking for in one area, don’t give up, as there are many other options and avenues to explore. Just keep searching to find the right fit for you. Eating disorders are a type of mental illness, and treatment is beneficial. Anyone who says otherwise is just ill-informed.
Don’t be afraid to try new ways of learning, we all achieve in different ways, and you may just find a hidden talent.
Remember there is no set mold or image for someone suffering from an eating disorder, you can be any age, sex, race or size. Eating disorders do not discriminate – anyone can be impacted by an eating disorder.
I cannot stress enough about the importance of the support of family and friends. Whilst in the depths of an eating disorder, many of us tend to shut down, build walls around us, pushing away those nearest and dearest to us. But deep down, this isn’t what we really want – we need that love and support and can truly regret the pain and hurt we cause. My isolation and walls have put my husband and daughter through hell over the last few years, when in actual fact what I was trying to do was protect them and didn’t feel deserving of their love. Just recently my daughter and I went through a turbulent time by me shutting her out. I felt that by keeping information from her, I was protecting her. This, plus the fact that she works in the mental health industry and has insight into someone struggling mentally, added to my need to protect her. Through a shared psychology session, it became evident that by shutting her out, I was actually hurting her more. It also highlighted the benefits of loved ones’ support and including them on our journey.
As previously mentioned, I have found peer support and mentoring to be of great benefit. Hearing the stories and experiences of those who have been there is invaluable, and although we all have our own journeys, having someone who has travelled a similar path, can help guide us along the way and understands more than anyone what we are going through is the greatest help on offer in my opinion.
Get Support
No matter how the eating disorder developed, recovery is possible, and Butterfly is here to help.
For confidential and free counselling, call the Butterfly National Helpline on 1800 ED HOPE (1800 33 4673) or chat online or email, 7 days a week, 8am-midnight (AEDT).
Find an eating disorder professional – search Butterfly’s National Referral Database to find eating disorder practitioners closest to you.
To access resources and information around menopause, head to Jean Hailes for Women’s Health.
Learn more about eating disorders in midlife
Sue shared her story as a part of Butterfly and Jean Hailes’ for Women’s Health webinar for World Menopause Month. This webinar shines a light on the unique challenges faced by women in midlife, bringing together medical expertise, specialist knowledge and lived experience to raise awareness and provide practical tools for support.
Watch the recording here.
Download our factsheet Perimenopause, Menopause, Eating Disorders and Body Image.
