From athlete to advocate: my lived experience as an athlete with an eating disorder
My journey as an athlete was one that broke my heart and broke my body, but it is what made me feel like me.
I was once a former elite athlete whose career ended prematurely from a severe and enduring eating disorder. But since I have recovered, I have gained my PhD in eating disorder prevention in sport, and it is now my mission to educate, empower and be a voice to encourage a cultural change in sport.
Eating disorders can occur in any athlete, at any time, in any sport, crossing boundaries of gender, age, body size, culture and athlete calibre. The estimated prevalence for disordered eating and eating disorders in athletes ranges from 0-19% in men and 6-45% in women (Wells et al., 2020).
These figures are likely higher, given the challenges to accurately identify disordered eating/eating disorders across the entire athletic population.
These challenges include the normalisation of disordered eating behaviours and overtraining in sport, mental health stigma among athletes, psychological traits of athletes that overlap with those vulnerable to eating disorders (e.g., high achievers, perfectionism, driven) and a lack of awareness and education among sports staff/professionals.
From lived experience to personal achievements
My story began as a young, talented endurance runner, driven by passion, excitement and dedication. However, it was also driven by a young girl who didn’t know her own worth and used her successes and achievements to validate her being. I was tipped for the next big thing, the one to keep our eyes on, the up and coming superstar runner. However, at the tender age of 12, the shadow of an eating disorder clouded my journey.
Despite excelling in my sport, behind the great success I was achieving lay a distressing truth—I was silently battling with my health. The voice of an eating disorder inside my head controlling me. Dishearteningly, the system around me couldn’t see my suffering and they focused on my performance. My eating disorder taught me countless ways to suffocate my call for help and instead convince them I was ok with the forced smile and the ‘yes I am ok’, disregarding the many red flags of my deteriorating health.
Throughout my struggle, my well-being was overlooked, overshadowed by my athletic achievements. The one thing that made me feel like I was enough. No one saw beyond the victories and podium finishes, a young girl battling with her mind every day, consumed in an eating disorder.
My family loved and adored me and they had their concerns. But when they would take me to the doctors to discuss their worries and raise the concern about my absent menstrual cycle, the dismissive response was, “she’s an athlete, it’s typical.” This unfortunate narrative persists for many young girls seeking medical advice, with a lack of education of eating disorders across the healthcare system.
I continued competing until my late teens, but my situation deteriorated, taking a drastic turn for the worse. The turning point came when I was admitted to an inpatient unit, aged 22, where I received the treatment that would save my life. I can relive the nightmare of that inpatient hospital like it was yesterday. The sterile white walls, and the constant surveillance of what was meant to be a place of healing but instead felt more like a prison. I felt like a prisoner in my own body, desperate for freedom but it seemed too far out of reach.
While the inpatient treatment physically saved me, it was working through the narrative that had driven this in the first place where recovery truly began. It was never about food at the core, it was about the beliefs I held about myself, the girl who felt inadequate, never enough, needing to be perfect to be worthy of love and belonging. My eating disorder suppressed all those feelings until they were numb.
Throughout my time in hospital, my fervent desire to return to running was my driving force. I was goal orientated as are all athletes. We are driven, and focused. When a goal is set, we do what we have to do to achieve that. I am incredibly grateful I found a glimmer of hope in recovery and then was able to use my athlete mindset to help drive me on the path of recovery. My athletic dream was still there.
Yet I remember the exact day that dream came crashing down. The prolonged malnourishment and absence of my menstrual cycle led to severe osteoporosis, effectively terminating my athletic career at the age of 23. Despite attempts to defy the odds of my diagnosis and make a return to training, my body’s fragility meant I became riddled with stress fractures. This forced me to confront the harsh truth—I could no longer continue as the athlete I once was and wanted to be.
From that point I lost myself, I did not know who I was without being an athlete. I felt this sense of ‘nothingness’. However, with time, the right love and support, I managed to find my voice again, I managed to find parts of me that lived beyond my athletic identity. The realisation that my athletic days were behind me, though deeply painful, became the catalyst for a new mission. I embarked on a journey in research and advocacy, determined to prevent others from enduring a similar fate.
My goal was to advocate for education, encourage early detection of eating disorders, to prompt coaches, parents, and medical professionals to intervene proactively rather than dismiss concerns. To educate, empower and be a voice to encourage a cultural change in sport.
I pursued my honours degree and then my Masters degree in eating disorders and clinical nutrition. I then moved from London to Australia to pursue my PhD, which I completed late 2024, which focused on eating disorder prevention in sport.
I now combine my lived experience and my professional expertise to make a positive change to those affected by eating disorders and to aid in better prevention and intervention strategies.
I’ve learned that athletes possess incredibly powerful minds, and those of us who experience eating disorders have remarkably powerful minds as well. In the depths of my eating disorder, we can become fearful of our own minds and that power gets channelled into a negative pursuit. However, through recovery, we reclaim our strength in a positive way that allows us to reclaim our power, thrive and soar in life.
Athletes and eating disorders: what’s the link?
While no athlete is immune, some athletic groups appear to be at a greater risk for eating disorders than others;
- Endurance Athletes: Those participating in sports such as long-distance running, swimming, cycling, and triathlons appear to be at an increased risk. This is partly due to the false narrative that ‘lighter always equals faster’. This can become an unhealthy belief among coaches and athletes, leading to inappropriate nutrition and exercise behaviours.
- Aesthetic Sports Athletes: Athletes in sports that emphasise appearance or have subjective judging criteria, such as gymnastics, figure skating, and ballet, are at higher risk due to pressures to maintain a certain body weight or appearance.
- Weight-Class Sports Athletes: Participants in sports with weight categories, like boxing, wrestling, and rowing, might engage in extreme weight-control practices to meet weight limits, increasing their risk of eating disorders
- Adolescents: Young adolescents are going through a period of significant change, both physically and emotionally. As teenagers navigate this complex period of their lives, they are particularly vulnerable to developing eating disorders.
- Female Athletes: Although eating disorders can affect all genders, female athletes are often more at risk due to the combination of high energy expenditure and societal pressures around body image and physique.
Why are athletes at risk? Nature vs nurture
Athletes possess intrinsic traits that mean they are more vulnerable to eating disorders (e.g., perfectionistic, high achievers, set exceptionally high standards). These traits are the very traits that also make them great athletes.
When these traits are managed appropriately athletes can thrive both in terms of their health and performance. However, sociocultural influences such as the pressure on athletes to achieve particular physiques, encouragement of poor dietary practices and inappropriate language around body image can increase an athlete’s risk unnecessarily.
These external pressures can arise from coaches, peers, judges or opponents. Equally, these pressures can be driven from social media and/or the societal athletic body ideal. In addition, athletes face immense pressure to achieve, excel and be in the spotlight, increasing their vulnerability to feeling inadequate or not enough when they are not winning.
These environmental factors that increase an athlete’s risk are ones that can be changed and shaped through awareness and education to mitigate risks and drive positive health and performance outcomes. Every athlete deserves to participate in their sport in a way that drives positive physical and mental health benefits and it is critically important that sporting organisations implement educational interventions to enable this.
Written by Dr Jennifer Ellen Hamer
Dr. Jennifer Ellen Hamer was a promising sports star in her youth, representing her country as an endurance runner. However, her dreams were abruptly halted by a severe and enduring eating disorder that consumed 17 years of her life. The health complications from her eating disorder meant she could no longer compete at a high level but had a burning passion to pursue a cause that transcended personal boundaries. Over the past decade, Jennifer immersed herself in research, culminating in a PhD in eating disorder prevention in sport in 2023. Today, she recognized as a distinguished, researcher, practitioner, speaker and advocate in the field of eating disorders, impacting both the sporting world and public health.
Jennifer has devoted her career to preventing others from enduring the hardships she faced. She works tirelessly to raise awareness, educate, and advocate for better funding to support prevention and early intervention strategies for eating disorders. Her deep evidence-based knowledge, practical expertise, and lived experience enable her to drive meaningful change.
Learn more
- National Eating Disorder Collaboration: Resources for sports and fitness professionals
- Australian Institute of Sports: Disordered eating in high performance sport
- Sports Dietitians Australia: Eating Disorders – Sports Dietitians Australia (SDA)
- Butterfly Let’s Talk podcast: Sports and Eating Disorders – What’s the connection?
References
Wells, K. R., Jeacocke, N. A., Appaneal, R., Smith, H. D., Vlahovich, N., Burke, L. M., & Hughes, D. (2020). The Australian Institute of Sport (AIS) and National Eating Disorders Collaboration (NEDC) position statement on disordered eating in high performance sport. British journal of sports medicine, 54(21), 1247-1258.
