Living with Anorexia as a Man

In this blog, speaker, advocate and tradesman Alec talks about living with anorexia as a man.

My name is Alec White-Cheshire. I’m 29 years old, and for the past 19 years I have lived with anorexia nervosa. For nearly two decades, anorexia has shaped my thoughts, my identity, and the way I see the world. It has affected my relationships, my confidence, and how I experience life itself. From the outside, I was working, training, and getting on with life. Inside, I was fighting a battle that most people couldn’t see or fully understand.

Too often, eating disorders are seen as something that doesn’t affect boys and men. My story shows how that misconception is far from the truth.

As a man with an eating disorder, I have experienced persistent lack of understanding, lack of treatment options, and am repeatedly looked upon as someone who cannot suffer from an eating disorder. Many believe that eating disorders are a phase, a lifestyle choice, or something that doesn’t affect people like me. We need more people to realise that men and boys can be impacted, and that there’s no shame in talking about these issues or reaching out for help.

Perceptions of Masculinity

Growing up, the messaging around masculinity was very much centred around being tough, resilient, and emotionally controlled.

There was this unspoken expectation that boys should just ‘get on with things’, not show vulnerability, and certainly not openly struggle with something like an eating disorder.

At the same time, fitness and appearance increasingly became tied to ideas of discipline, strength, and self-worth — especially as social media, gym culture, and body image pressures became more prominent. A lot of behaviours that can actually be warning signs of anorexia nervosa in males, such as over-exercising, food control, obsession with physique, or rigid routines, are often praised or normalised rather than questioned.  Because of that, I think many males suffering with eating disorders can go unnoticed for a long time.

For me personally, there was also a huge sense of confusion growing up because eating disorders were rarely spoken about in relation to boys or men. It often felt like anorexia nervosa was viewed as something that only affected females, which made it harder to understand my own struggles and even harder to speak openly about them. I think those societal messages create an environment where many men suffer silently. They feel shame, embarrassment, or weakness for struggling with body image, food, anxiety, or emotional wellbeing, when in reality eating disorders are serious mental illnesses that can affect anyone regardless of gender.

Missing the Warning Signs

Growing up, there was very little awareness around eating disorders in boys, especially anorexia – which meant the warning signs I was displaying were either missed, misunderstood, or not taken as seriously because I was male.

A lot of behaviours that can actually be signs of illness in men — excessive exercise, food control, rigid routines, obsession with physique, or restriction — are often normalised or even praised as discipline, fitness, or dedication. Because of that, I think it can be much easier for males to hide in plain sight.

That lack of understanding can become incredibly isolating. When you already feel confused by the thoughts and fears inside your own mind, feeling like others don’t fully recognise the seriousness of what you’re going through can make it even harder to reach out for help.

I think awareness around eating disorders in males has improved over the years, but there is still a long way to go. Too many men and boys are still suffering silently because society continues to struggle to recognise that anorexia nervosa does not discriminate by gender.

The Contributing Factors

Looking back, I think there were a combination of factors that contributed to the eating disorder — anxiety, perfectionism, emotional sensitivity, and a need for control from a very young age. I was diagnosed at only 10 years old, which meant the illness developed during some of the most important years of emotional and personal development.

Over time, the eating disorder became far more than just food or weight. It became deeply connected to how I coped with stress, emotions, fear, and life itself. The thoughts, routines, and behaviours slowly became ingrained into my identity and daily functioning.

Diagnosis and Accessing Support

Being diagnosed with anorexia nervosa at only 10 years old, I don’t think I fully understood what was happening to me mentally. I just knew there were growing fears, obsessive thoughts, anxiety around food, and a need for control that slowly began taking over more and more of my life.

Accessing support over the years has been a very mixed experience. There have been some genuinely compassionate people who have tried to help and understand me, but there have also been many times where I felt dismissed, misunderstood, or overlooked — particularly as a male suffering with anorexia nervosa.

A lot of treatment systems and public understanding still seem heavily geared toward the stereotypical perception of eating disorders, which can make it difficult for males to feel recognised or understood within the space. Support has also varied greatly depending on where I lived, making it crucial that eating disorder services and supports are more accessible and available to those in regional and remove communities.

One of the hardest parts over the years has been how isolating the illness can become. Even when surrounded by people, it can still feel like very few truly understand the mental battle happening internally every single day.

That is one of the reasons I now speak openly about my experiences — because earlier understanding, compassion, and awareness could make a huge difference for people struggling silently, especially young boys and men who may otherwise go unnoticed.

Stigma and Seeking Support

I think the stigma surrounding eating disorders in males made it much harder to reach out openly or fully express what I was going through. There is also a lot of societal pressure placed on men to appear strong, resilient, and emotionally controlled. Admitting you are struggling mentally — especially with something as misunderstood as an eating disorder — can feel incredibly exposing and shameful.

At times, I worried people would not take me seriously, would dismiss what I was experiencing, or would simply not understand how severe the illness actually was. Unfortunately, there were moments throughout my journey where that did happen, and that stigma can make people retreat further into silence rather than seek support. I think that is one of the reasons so many males suffer quietly for years before speaking up, if they ever do at all.

The fear of being judged, misunderstood, or seen differently can become another barrier on top of an already incredibly isolating illness.

That is why awareness around eating disorders in men is so important. The more openly we speak about these experiences, the more chance we have of helping other males feel recognised, understood, and safe enough to ask for help earlier.

The Recovery Journey

Recovery hasn’t been quick, and it hasn’t been easy. It has been a long process of learning, setbacks, growth, and rebuilding my relationship with myself and the world around me. Today I consider myself stable in my recovery, but like many people living with eating disorders, I know that recovery is a lifelong journey rather than something that simply ends.

Alongside this journey, I built a career working in the electrical utilities industry as a cable jointer. The work was physically demanding and required focus, discipline, and teamwork. In many ways, those same qualities became essential in my recovery.

Over the years I also had the opportunity to travel and experience life and work in both the United Kingdom and Australia. Those experiences broadened my perspective and helped me realise how important connection, understanding, and purpose truly are.

It’s Okay to Ask for Help

I want other men to know that reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness. I want other men to know that they are not weak, broken, or “less masculine” for struggling with food, body image, control, anxiety, or an eating disorder. I know how difficult it can be to speak openly, especially when you fear being dismissed, misunderstood, or judged.

One of the biggest things I’ve learned is that anorexia thrives in silence, isolation and secrecy.

Suffering in silence only allows the illness to grow stronger. The longer you carry everything alone, the more powerful and convincing the illness can become. Even if opening up feels uncomfortable or frightening, having even one person who understands, listens, or supports you can make a huge difference.

Recovery is not perfect, quick, or linear. But life outside of anorexia nervosa is possible. I’m still navigating that journey myself, but I can honestly say there is far more to life than the illness wants you to believe. And no matter how isolated you may feel right now, you are not alone in what you are experiencing.

If sharing my story helps even one person feel less alone, to seek help sooner, or to understand their loved one better, then every difficult step of my journey will have been worth it.

Spot Your Mate

Eating disorders are one of Australia’s largest unrecognised men’s health issues – and we need to talk about it. For more resources, information and support for men and boys living with eating disorders or body dissatisfaction, visit www.butterfly.org.au/spotyourmate

Get Support

If you’re struggling with an eating disorder, disordered eating or body image concerns, please know that help is available. For confidential and free counselling, call the Butterfly National Helpline on 1800 ED HOPE (1800 33 4673) or chat online or email, 7 days a week, 8am-midnight (AEST/AEDT).