Talking to Boys and Men about Looksmaxxing and Appearance Pressures

The pressure on boys and men to look a certain way is growing, and it’s everywhere – from YouTube to TikTok, in conversations in schoolyards, online forum discussions, and what they see on the TV, in magazines and in advertising. One trend at the centre of these pressures right now is called lookxmaxxing, and it’s reaching millions of young men. ¹

Looksmaxxing sends a harmful message – that a person’s worth and success are linked to how they look; and this can pose a significant risk of developing body dissatisfaction and eating disorders in men and boys. In its more extreme forms, it encourages invasive practices to alter facial structure and physical appearance. 

What is looksmaxxing? 

Looksmaxxing is a term that’s gaining popularity online, especially on social media platforms and in male-focused online forums. It refers to ‘maximising’ one’s physical appearance – often through methods that are extreme, invasive and harmful. ¹ 

In looksmaxxing communities, boys and men share ‘self-improvement tips’, rate each other’s appearances, and encourage each other toward rigid, unrealistic appearance ideals, often fixated on specific facial structures or muscularity. ¹ 

How is this impacting boys and men? 

Looksmaxxing isn’t just about wanting to ‘improve’ one’s appearance – it’s shaping how men and boys see themselves in the world, the way they interact with others, how they feel about their bodies, and their relationship with food and exercise. 

This messaging tells boys and men that their physical appearance is directly linked to their worth as a person, and their likelihood of achieving ‘success’, including job opportunities, financial security, and romantic relationships. Internalising these messages can lead to body image struggles, feelings of hopelessness about the future, and a sense of worthlessness. ¹ 

Separating self-improvement and self-care, from self-criticism  

It’s okay to care about how we look, and to want to feel good in our body – grooming, fitness and personal style can all be positive expressions of self-care. Some appearance focus and peer comparison is also a natural part of adolescence for boys, in addition to weight gain during puberty. 

The key is distinguishing between appearance habits that support wellbeing and body image, versus those driven by anxiety, shame or appearance ideal pressures. 

Positive appearance habits might include getting a haircut they love, buying clothes they feel good in, having a regular skincare routine, or enjoying a low-pressure workout at the gym with a mate. 

Harmful appearance habits may involve regularly criticising or checking their appearance, overusing supplements or substances to change appearance, spending hours researching cosmetic procedures, and compulsively exercising at the gym even when tired, sick or injured. 

It’s also important to be mindful that some social media accounts or influencers may promote looksmaxxing content framed as ‘helpful self-improvement’ or ‘discipline’. In these situations, encourage reflection on the below, and how this content makes the user feel. 

Holding conversations and raising awareness 

It’s important to check in with the boys and men in your life – your son, brother, mates, partner or parents – about these appearance ideal pressures. The goal isn’t to lecture or criticise, but to create a safe space for open, non-judgmental conversations. Approach the topic with genuine curiosity. 

“It’s important to approach these conversations with curiosity, compassion, kindness and respect. Boys are raised in a world which strongly conveys stereotypical, narrow, at times harmful expectations of what it means to be a ‘real’ man. Going against the grain as a man is extremely challenging, and choosing to embrace diverse masculinities requires patience, empathy and genuinely supportive environments.” – Alex, Lived Experience Advocate  

Acknowledge that men and boys are being increasingly targeted by appearance-related messaging, and that talking openly about these experiences matters. 

Phrases to start a conversation: 

• What sorts of pressures around appearance have you noticed online? 

• It’s understandable that many guys are feeling pressure to look a certain way – this stuff is pretty intense at the moment. 

• How are you feeling about how you look? It can be tricky to feel good in our bodies all the time. 

• What do your mates think about all this stuff online about how guys should look? 

• I’ve noticed you’ve been spending a lot of time on <platform / app>. What sort of stuff are you finding on there? How does it make you feel? 

Avoid phrases like: 

• When I was your age, I didn’t worry about this stuff. 

• You shouldn’t be on those sites or apps, stop using them. 

• You look fine, stop worrying about it! 

• I can’t believe you actually listen to this stuff. 

Sharing your own experience with appearance pressures, from either nowadays or when you were their age, can also help open up the conversation. 

What do I say if they say something worrying? 

There’s a chance that they may say something especially concerning or intense – such as sharing an extreme way they’re wishing to change their body, expressing strong dislike of their appearance, or even feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness. 

Slow the conversation down, empathise with them, and ask questions like ‘How long have you been feeling this way?’ and ‘Have you talked to anyone else about this?’ 

Remember, it’s important to get support earlier rather than later – even if things don’t seem ‘too serious’ right now. Early intervention will make a world of difference. You could suggest chatting with their GP, or looking for therapists that specialise in supporting boys and men with body image and mental health struggles. Make sure you phrase any suggestions as support, rather than punishment. You could say “I’m glad you told me this – you don’t have to deal with this alone”. 

If he says something that makes you worried that he may be at immediate risk of suicide or self-harm, it’s important to stay with him. You may like to involve another trusted adult, such as a partner or friend, and then contact emergency or crisis services. This can include Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800, Lifeline on 13 11 14, or emergency services on 000. 

Next steps 

If you’re a parent and your son has shared that they’re engaging with this type of content via online platforms, you may have thoughts around removing their access to the internet altogether – but this often backfires. It’s likely they’ll continue to engage with this content, just more secretly, and will be less likely to talk to you about these sort of topics in the future. 

Ultimately, try and avoid any ‘all or nothing’ approaches. Instead, you could consider: 

• Exploring together why they’re engaging with this content, and what they’re getting out of it. Is it about connection, validation, or a sense of control? Could these needs be met in a different, safer, more positive way? 

• Talk about other voices and communities that offer a more balanced perspective on masculinity and men’s appearance, such as Man Cave or Movember. 

• Chat about how social media algorithms work, acknowledging that the more they engage with this type of content, the more they’ll see it, and then the more it may feel that everyone agrees with these topics, when that’s not the case. You might like to let your child’s school know about BodyKind Online Education – Butterfly’s eLearning program for secondary schools designed to tackle these topics and help young people build resilience in an increasingly digital world.  

Redefining masculinity, beyond appearance 

Looksmaxxing and appearance ideal pressures have very rigid and narrow ideas around what masculinity ‘should’ look like. Help the boys and men in your life expand their idea of what it means to be a man, beyond appearance. 

To encourage reflection and a broader, more holistic understanding of masculinity, you could ask: 

• What do you admire about the people that you look up to? 

• What do you think makes someone nice to be around? 

• What do you think makes a good friend? 

• When do you feel most like yourself? 

• What’s something you’ve done recently that made you feel proud? 

• Who in your life makes you feel good about yourself? And why is that? 

Help them identify qualities, relationships, and achievements that make them feel proud, valued, and connected.

Often boys or men may be engaging with these looksmaxxing communities or subscribing to appearance ideals because they’re trying to fill a gap left by those things. So how can this gap be filled, in a way that better supports their body image and wellbeing? 

Warning signs 

Rates of eating disorders and body image concerns amongst men and boys are on the rise – but due to lack of awareness and understanding, the signs are often missed. Early intervention, meaning catching the signs early and seeking help, can make a big difference. ² ³ Know how to start the conversation by downloading our factsheet HERE. 

If you’re concerned that a boy or man in your life may be experiencing an eating disorder or body image concern, or if you’re concerned for yourself, please know that help is available. Contact the Butterfly National Helpline for confidential and free support, by calling 1800 ED HOPE (1800 33 4673) or visit www.butterfly.org.au to chat online or email, 7 days a week, 8am-midnight AEST. Our friendly counsellors will listen, provide support, and suggest resources or services that may best suit yourself or your loved one. 

For more resources, information and support for men and boys living with eating disorders or body dissatisfaction, visit www.butterfly.org.au/spotyourmate 

References 

1 Halpin, M., Gosse, M., Yeo, K., Handlovsky, I. and Maguire, F., 2025. When help is harm: Health, lookism and self‐improvement in the Manosphere. Sociology of Health & Illness, 47(3). Link: https://www.ovid.com/journals/sochi/fulltext/10.1111/1467-9566.70015~when-help-is-harm-health-lookism-and-selfimprovement-in-the 

2 Butterfly Foundation. 2026. Risks and warning signs of eating disorders. Link: https://butterfly.org.au/eating-disorders-body-image/risks-and-warning-signs 

3 Butterfly Foundation. 2026. Men, boys, body image, and eating disorders. Spot Your Mate. Link: https://butterfly.org.au/eating-disorders-body-image/who-does-it-affect/males/