Preparing your teen for life after the social media ban

Yvie: [00:00:00] This podcast is recorded and produced on the land of the Wurundjeri people of the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people who may be listening.

Welcome to another episode of Let’s Talk a Podcast from Butterfly Foundation. I’m your host, Yvie Jones, and today we are diving into a topic that will impact young people and any adults who love, work with, or educate them. We’re talking about the incoming social media age restrictions, otherwise known as the social media ban.

There’s been a lot of discussion and even confusion about what these changes mean, why they’re happening, and how they might affect the wellbeing of teens as they navigate a world increasingly shaped by online connection. Australia is leading the world in this space and the [00:01:00] whole. World is watching.

Joining me today is Danni Rowlands, the Director of Education Initiatives at Butterfly, who has spent nearly two decades working with young people, their families, sports clubs, and schools. Danni brings a deep understanding of how digital environments shape identity mental health. And the ways young people relate to their bodies, the ban was initiated in part because of the negative impact social media can have on their body image.

Danni will explain how body image, mental health, and online safety more broadly is not only about the platforms or algorithms. It’s about people, community belonging, and the pressures young people face as they grow up in a world that is constantly asking them to compare, perform, and keep up. More importantly, she’ll share how adults can support the next [00:02:00] generation through this major transition.

So, Danni, can you explain what the incoming social media restrictions mean for young people and what is the thinking behind them?

Danni: Yeah, so there is a lot of talk about these incoming restrictions and what they are and what they mean and obviously their intended aim. What we do know is that on the 10th of December, the government’s legislation, um, which is social media, minimum age restrictions are coming into play.

Uh, and what that means is where. Ultimately a bill is being passed that is trying to protect young people while online. So what inaction, what that looks like is that we have the eSafety commissioner is the appointed regulator of this ban or, uh, legislation or age delay that all different things that it’s being called at the moment.

But then what ultimately needs to happen is all the, the platforms that are included and also platforms that will be developed and then. Also included in years to come. They basically have to take reasonable steps to [00:03:00] prevent anyone who’s under 16 from opening an account on a social media platform. But also they need to take reasonable steps to remove any account holders who are currently under 16.

So the main aim of this is to try to delay access to the social media content and platforms that many young people have access to. Obviously as a step towards online safety for our young people.

Yvie: Right. Okay. This is very interesting to me. I don’t have kids, so I’m learning a lot of things.

Danni: Interesting thing is around this minimum age is that there is this assumption that young people are, have been on accounts from the age of 13, and that they’re only accessing accounts at 13, but we know for a fact that lot of them are circumnavigated, these minimum age restrictions already with many who are children and that’s been supported potentially by parents or other adults in their life or just enacted by themselves. And we also know that even within that bracket of 13 to 16, they [00:04:00] too have already circumnavigated these minimum age things. So this is all what’s posing a bit of a tricky situation come the 10th of December.

Yvie: Yeah, it sounds like a nightmare to me, like to be involved in, you know, navigating it all, but how do you think the ban will impact young people and their wellbeing?

Danni: The overarching aim is to obviously protect young people longer term. I have currently, I’ve got a 12-year-old and a 14-year-old. My 12-year-old son isn’t on social media, doesn’t have any interest on being on social media at the moment. He does do gaming, he does access YouTube content, but isn’t a subscriber or doesn’t have an account. So for him, hopefully the delay will actually support him and his mental health and wellbeing when the time comes that he accesses social media for my daughter who’s 14 and for her friends and her peers and also other young people that I know are on social media currently and and very active users, we don’t know what this is gonna look like.

And it’s like anything, we can’t say that all young people are gonna struggle or that all young people are gonna be fine. So we really have to [00:05:00] prepare ourselves for all scenarios, which is that the immediate impact of this. Are gonna have probably some significant impacts on their mental health, on their behaviors that they’re engaging in.

So we are gonna see changes and I think it’s really important for parents and adults in young people’s lives that we are prepared for this, that, you know, come the 10th of December. It’s not the, the solution to everything, but also it might bring about some really challenging attitudes. Behaviors and and changes in in mood and mental health.

Yvie: How can adults in young people’s lives help young people prepare for the incoming restrictions and navigate the transition? It’s a big question.

Danni: It is a big one, and I think being a parent myself, but also someone who’s worked with young people in schools and other environments and delivered body image education for nearly 20 years, we have to get over ourselves as the adults.
This isn’t happening to us. This is actually about our young people. And we need to really lean in with empathy and compassion, and we need [00:06:00] to prepare ourselves to understand exactly what it’s gonna look like from the band perspective, but also what the experience is for our children or, or the young people in our lives.

So how are they using social media? What are the account. That they have, are there accounts that we don’t know about? How are they feeling about these incoming changes? So making sure that we are really communicating with them and taking this as an opportunity to, rather than sit back and, and have a sigh of relief and say, oh, thank goodness this is coming, is actually kind of put ourselves in young people’s shoes.

And I’ve recently kind of been suggesting to people that. If you’re struggling to do that as an adult, just to reflect back gently if you can, and if it’s not too traumatic to what happened during the pandemic, when we had these restrictions enforced upon us for our safety, that really did impact the way that we feel and obviously we’re really emotionally challenging our young people.

Had that experience and they’re also having it again. So that huge part about empathy and compassion is really important. But realizing that every [00:07:00] young person is gonna have their own experience. Every family looks different, and so just like bodies and and clothes, there isn’t a one size fits all, but we absolutely know that.

We need to be looking at this through the lens of young people rather than as adults ourselves. And I think if we can do that at the start and from now, we hopefully will have a smoother transition where young people know we’re we’re on their team.
Yvie: Mm-hmm. And let’s talk about body image. How will the ban affect the young people in relation to body image?
Danni: Again, that’s a really broad question, so it’s a tricky one to answer. But what we do know is that social media platforms and obviously the appearance based content, the health ideals, the appearance ideals, the ability to compare our appearance and our body, our access to nutrition and eating and training information is so abundant online.

And we know that’s been a problem for many young people, and we know that it has significantly impacted their relationships with their body with eating and exercise. We also know that obviously a lot of young people, their identity and part of their appearance [00:08:00] is, is what they’re showcasing online. So again, what we know when these incoming changes happen is that it might really impact young people and and their identity and the feelings they have about their body.

They might be feeling a bit lost because they can’t access content that was either inspiring or guiding rightly or wrongly, their behaviors with eating, exercise, fashion, and beauty. But we also know that. What might happen as well is that we might see some problematic behaviors that maybe have been hiding in plain sight come to light, but we also might see some developing as well as a way that young people cope with some of these stresses.

So longer term we hope there might be some positives from this, but in the immediate, we really don’t know. So again, it’s about making sure we know some of these warning signs around some of the behaviors. Uh, and we always say to parents to trust your instincts, that if you are. Are concerned about how they’re feeling about their body or the behaviors they’re engaging in around their appearance or their eating or their exercise, [00:09:00] that we really want them to act early and not dismiss this as just a typical teenage thing or a typical response to something stressful.

Yvie: Because that was my next question. Do you see any risks or unintended consequences in terms of the body image, eating disorders and mental health broadly, but. You kind of answered that as well, like, you know, just keeping a lookout for that kind of thing.

Danni: And we know that times of change and transition are actually peak times when young people can really struggle with their relationship, with their body, with eating and movement.

We also know that stress can also impact the behaviors that young people engage in. So it is about not being terrified because parents have got enough on their plates right now, and also as we’re supporting, but also to be aware. To be alert, to make sure that we know the facts about the band, but also what are we looking for?

And, and it is really those changes in behavior and mood with a real driver of either trying to be perfect or trying to look perfect or trying to change their weight or shape [00:10:00] in a hope that it’s gonna support the feelings or any negative feelings they’re having.

Yvie: Yeah, well, even with restrictions, what are some of the challenges young people will continue to face when it comes to their body image, both online and offline?

Danni: Yeah. Well, I mean, body image is a, a pretty complex construct and it’s, uh, anyone who’s living in a body, it’s relates to their thoughts, feelings, and attitudes that they have about their physical self. We know that body image has been a problem long before social media came about. Yes. We definitely have seen an increase in body dissatisfaction, but we, we do know that there’s so many complex and confusing messages out there about health and weight.

We have weight stigma, we have weight discrimination. We have a lot of body shaming. We have bullying and teasing and appearance, teasing, and this absolute drive in our society for these ideals around health, but also appearance. That exists in popular culture. It exists in music, in fashion, in in Hollywood.

That has all, all been there. It will continue to be there, but [00:11:00] also that content online isn’t at the moment changing. And I guess that’s the big thing that we need. Really to be advocating for is just this cleanup of the content so that young people will still be accessing the content online. They will still be seeing these really harsh messages about how bodies should look and how bodies should be, and what healthy actually looks like and is.

So they’re the things that as a society and as a societal level, we really need to try to shift and change. You know, we live in a diet culture world where we have such strong. Beliefs and attitudes about appearance and, and weight. And obviously these are really harmful. And so it is about making sure that we’re offering other messages in there that we’re offering other content into the mix so that young people are hearing another voice and hearing another way to think and and feel about their bodies.

Yvie: Yeah, I love that when, as soon as I stopped following people, that made me feel like crap about myself. ’cause I was comparing and started following more people that made [00:12:00] me feel good about myself. Huge changes, you know, huge changes. So that’s, you know, at any age that can happen. Now you were mentioning earlier about parents putting themselves in their kids’ shoes. It brings me to this question a change as big as this might create tensions between teens and parents, what advice do you have for parents navigating challenges challenging. Family dynamics.

Danni: Yeah. And I think I am really compassionate to parents with this because again, you know, we, where there’s lots of tips and information that’s coming out right now, but, but guiding your children through childhood and adolescence is a really challenging and a massive, massive job for everybody.

It is very unique to every parent child relationship and there are so many factors that we just are just outta control. So again, there isn’t this one size fits all approach to how people do this, but I think it is about making sure that parents. Again, recognize that this is really tough for young people and acknowledging rather than dismissing the feelings and [00:13:00] experiences that they’re having if they are struggling themselves with how to prepare or how to navigate through this time.

I think often it could be a default that we need to get the young person some help, but I would encourage parents to actually be seeking the support for themselves and seeking accessing resources and different tip sheets and information on what they can do to help their young person. Through this time so that the young person can be, be supported as they move through these changes.

It’s like anything keeping the lines of communication open. And I love, it’s used in, there’s some reels and things to, to have a social media reference, but the listen and don’t judge is that we need to, um, really try to help. Our young people feel that we are listening to them. We might not, well, we don’t understand what it’s actually gonna feel like, but it is important that parents support their own mental health.

That they have their networks and their connection where possible in homes that people who are caring and raising the children are on a similar page for this. Making sure that you know what your stance is. It’s actually the [00:14:00] safeties. Responsibility, the eSafety Commissioner’s responsibility to enforce the law.

It’s actually not parents. So it’s really important that parents know that it’s about supporting their child and their teen in this moment, in a way that is gonna work for their family and that what feels right for them.

Yvie: Okay. And what resources are available to support parents and teens around the band and in developing the digital literacy and critical thinking skills to have a safe and positive experience online?

Danni: Yes. So again, this is the stuff that we need to do more than ever right now, is that there are a lot of young people that just haven’t had access to developing or the opportunity to develop their digital literacy skills and online safety. So we’ve got a, a beautiful time to really, really go hard at that with our young people.

So for parents, we developed recently a new program called Body Kind Online Education, which is an e-learning program for secondary school students. And there’s a heap of parent resources. [00:15:00] Online for free that people can access to give tips around that critical thinking and that challenging the messages and playing the game of is that ai, has that been filtered?

What’s the actually the key message here? What are they really selling us? Those kind of conversations can be had when you’re watching television or you’re watching you see a billboard, or it doesn’t just have to extend to those online environments. It’s that digital and that critical thinking skills that is really, really helpful in, in so many areas of their life, but there are free resources online for parents. And there are also a range of different organizations that are providing tips and guidance for parents right now, as well as young people, as well as of course, which I would probably be my go-to, is the eSafety Commissioners, all their incredible resources that they have developed to support young people, to support parents, to support family members, and also to support educators as we transition through this time.

Yvie: And the butterfly resources will all be in as links for our listeners in [00:16:00] our show notes. So last question, Danni. What role can young people play in creating more positive online? Spaces when they do become social media account holders and post their own content. When you talk about being body kind online, what does that look like in practice?

Danni: Yes. And so Butterfly, our call to action around body image is being body kind. ’cause we know that it’s not always easy to like, love or accept your body, but we’re all living in our body for our entire life, however long that might be. Which means we need to find ways to be kind or even kinder to it in the way that we speak, how we move, how we nourish it, and also the self-care and nurturing. So we extend that into offline environments as well as obviously online. So when young people are actually getting online, we talk about being a body kind online creator, and that really is about creating content that really has very little to do with how we look and what our bodies actually are looking [00:17:00] like, but rather what our bodies do, our interests, our hobbies, our passions, making sure that content we create aligns with our values and that they feel really authentic to us. Young people very much live in the moment. They don’t see too far ahead. Will our future self really be happy and comfortable with what we see? Are we demonstrating respect? To our body, but really the body kind messages that, that the content that we create is more about our interests, our hobbies, the things that we do, the things that make us, us, the things that we are really passionate about. The more content that we can put out there into the universe, then the better for everybody. It’s gonna reduce the amount we are comparing, it’s gonna reduce the amount we’re valuing, um, bodies and appearance and just hopefully it’s just celebrating human beings. More for the stuff that they’re doing contributing rather than how they look.

Yvie: Beautifully said, I think if we can get that for the young people, it really will make a huge difference.
I did it for myself because I could as an adult, and I had the critical [00:18:00] thinking to do that. You know, seeing where I was going and what social media was doing to me. As you said, you know, young people, they think in the moment and they may not think you know critically or ahead as a default, so. It’s something that we really can support them in.
I think that’s just brilliant. Thank you so much for coming on today. Is there anything that you’d like to end with?

Danni: No, other than thank you so much for talking through this, but I think we just wanna make sure that that parents and young people know they’re not alone in this. That it’s a time that we’re all gonna work together.

Young people are really resilient. They’re incredible, incredible beings, and I think the more we can let them know that, that they’ve got this and we’ve got this, then we can hopefully have a much more shared and positive experience.

Yvie: Oh, that’s just fantastic. Danni, thank you so much. My pleasure.

A huge thank you to Danni for sharing her vast experience on this [00:19:00] very complicated topic. If you are concerned about an eating disorder for yourself or someone you care about, please reach out to the Butterfly National Helpline at one 800 double 3 4 6 7 3. That’s one 800 Ed Hope. For a free, confidential conversation with one of our specialist counselors.
Alternatively, you can chat online by visiting a butterfly.org au and following the prompts at the top of the page. To find out more about today’s episode, check out the helpful links in the show notes and on the butterfly website. Just head to butterfly.org. Au slash podcast and click through to this episode.

Let’s Talk is produced for The Butterfly Foundation by Yvie Jones. Sam Blacker from the podcast Butler, with the support of the Warta Education Foundation. Our executive producer is Camilla Becket, with support from Melissa Wilton and Kate Mulray.