A decade in the making

The first 10 steps (years) in eating disorder recovery:

1. “What? No I don’t have any problems?”
2. “Screw you. I can handle my own problems.”
3. “Fine.. I’ll talk to someone.. but I don’t need to”
4. “Nope, Nope, Nope.. Not ready to do this”
5. “God, why do I have to keep talking about this”
6. “Shit, maybe this actually helps”
7. “Wow.. I’m actually starting to get better. Abort plan. Abort plan”
8. “Repeat steps 2-8 over and over… and over again”
9. “Right take 98, let’s try this again. “
10. “Wait.. so there’s a life outside of being sick?

Looking back, these 10 steps have encompassed my past decade. Either sick or in recovery. At this time of year, there is a big focus on reflecting on the past year and now, the past decade. It hit me today, that my past decade has been focused solely on being sick, in hospital or attending appointments. A. whole. decade. And it’s still going. But what people don’t realise, is that a decade is the norm. If anything, the minimum.

Eating disorders ca take decades of lives, from the person suffering and those around them. I have lost more time to this illness than I ever thought I would, and as we go into the next decade I don’t know whether to hope that this will finally be the decade that I achieve recovery or just be proud that I survived the past.

To all those who are being told to contemplate what they’ve done in the past decade and make a pledge to their next, remember it’s okay if you just survived. If you just fought to stay alive or attend appointments. It’s okay. I’m proud that you’re entering 2020 just as you are. Keep fighting.