For 14 Months
I would never EVER normally post something as personal or serious like this on social media but after a long long think and a conversation with my mum I thought it was the right time to raise awareness and make people aware of how easy it is to be sucked into a mindset and a lifestyle that was slowly but surely making me physically and mentally unwell. For the past 14 months I have isolated myself from friends and family or anything social and my life was taken over by extreme exercise and a number on a scale (which I can proudly say are now smashed with a hammer). I was constantly cold, my skin was always dry, my hair was brittle, my whole body was sore and tired 24/7 and I just didn’t look like the Kara everyone knows anymore. For 14 months I completely lost myself and I honestly don’t even know what I was trying to achieve or get out of it. I wasn’t seeing what everyone was and even when I did, I was slowly sucked back into the darkness of my own mind and shutting myself away even more. I didn’t want to hear the truth which was that I was potentially just slowly killing myself without even realising. It got to a point where the clothes I loved were hanging off my shoulders as if I had just thrown on my dads clothes, and that was the last straw for me. I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t recognise myself anymore never mind anyone else being able to recognise me. I knew there was no slow way to recover as I wanted to look like me again as soon as possible!! So I had to hold my breathe and five straight into the deep end. For weeks I just ate and ate all the foods I had been neglecting for 14 months until I was completely satisfied, and before I knew it 5 weeks down the line and I look like a completely different person. My skin isn’t dry, I’m not constantly cold, my hair doesn’t fall out anymore, I feel confident and fit into my clothes again but most importantly, I have rebuilt the relationships I lost with not only family and friends but with food and myself. I have never felt in more of a happy place than where I am now and it’s because I can say I survived! I did it!
There comes a time when you have to accept that being society’s view of “skinny” sometimes really isn’t healthy and you have to accept that your beautiful as you are regardless of size and your appearance is what makes you, you. I’m so so grateful to the people who pushed me to keep going when I was finding it extremely difficult at times and to the people that stuck by me when I pushed everyone away. As I’ve said I would never normally put my personal life out on social media but it’s something that I know how hard it can get and I want anyone that’s going through the same to know that it’s so worth it in the end and you have to just trust the process no matter how difficult it gets at times!!