Nicky's Story

From one to another


Most of my teenage years were taken over by severe Anorexia Nervosa. I thought for the last 16 years I was healed but consequently the ED had developed into another – Orthorexia.

Its only now at the age of 31 when I want to start a family, I’m unable to conceive due to Hypothalamic Amenorrhea after punishing my body with overexercising and restricting for too long. Decades of food rules, fears and enjoyment being zapped from my life. Holidays, family gatherings, social events and every single day worrying, stressing and controlling my body size with food so much so I forget what its like to live without it.

Im unsure if I will ever be fully cured however the overwhelming desire and pain of wanting to get pregnant has finally made me take a step back, reassess and relax a little. I still have thoughts, worries, and control issues but Ive made the connection finally that my emotional pain and stress needs working on in order to fully recover my period and life. I have started studying and created an online space to help other women as an outlet and therapy sharing my journey and hopefully promoting awareness and light on how serious ALL forms of ED’s are – even the ones that are glorified by the fitness industry!

Im sad, grateful and passionate that I am learning this lesson now as I truly believe its necessary in order for me to have children (physically) and also so no other female in my family ever has to deal with this again.

I love the butterfly foundation and all that it stands for, thank you for everything you do x