My story of recovery from a chronic eating disorder that spanned across 27 years.
I am 44 years old and I would like to share my story of recovery from a chronic eating disorder that spanned across 27 years. My hope that is that I can help as many young people as possible not to go through years of pain and anguish, and anyone who has been suffering with a eating disorder for extended period of time that you absolutely can heal yourself and change with the right tools and mindset.
I developed anorexia at 13 years old. My Dad was a violent alcoholic and I lived in a constant state of fear and anxiety spending most weekends sleeping in my wardrobe so he couldn’t find me. When I was 13 I decided to go on a diet, it started out innocently enough but within a month I was already in the grip hold of what would destroy a large part of my life. I began hiding food, not eating at school and constantly challenging myself to loose more weight. Within 6 months my weight had dropped dangerously low. Over the next few years my hair started to fall out, I was freezing cold all the time and my self esteem was at rock bottom.
My mother, over the next few years became extremely worried and started making me eat so my eating then swung into bulimia. From the age of 16 to 27 I was ravaged with bulimia sometimes binge eating up to 5 time a day. I was incredibly distressed, unhappy and all consumed with food from the minute I woke up to the time I went to bed. My gums started to recede, I was having panic attacks and drinking heavily as well. I had been to several doctors but nothing seemed to help me at the time.
To cut to my recovery things started to shift when I met my now husband. He was always telling me how wonderful he thought I was, and slowly my mindset started to shift that maybe I wasn’t so bad. I read every self help book I could get my hands on. Listened to life coaches and started to tell myself a different story. This was not a quick fix and if I knew what I knew now i could have saved myself decades of distress and self harm. See, we are the only ones in control of our thoughts and what you tell yourself enough you become. If day and night, night and day you hate on yourself with negative thoughts that is what you will become. I had to learn to catch my negative thoughts and change them to positive ones over and over again. At first I didn’t even believe my positive thoughts, but I had read so much that mindset can change your life, I thought I had nothing to loose and if I didn’t try I would probably die an early death. I told myself I was strong, in control, powerful and confident (and many others) over and over and over till that became my story and my body started to change with me.
Well today I can proudly say I am married with 2 children and run a successful business. I am happy healthy and have a amazing zest for life (making up for all those wasted years) but most importantly I am anxiety free and at peace. ❤