Prime of my life

I remember always being “funny” with food.

 

Not eating at school then coming home and over compensating. Add that to being a very emotional person who overthinks. And i guess i was made to have an ED.

 

My parents knew what was happening, but i was turning 20 and had my whole life ahead of me. So for a long time i feel like I was left to my own devices.

 

By the time they took me to seek help i was a shell of my former self. I’d become addicted to exercise and would punish myself beyond my bodies capability. I was lucky enough to seek professional help and admitted to one of the best Eating Disorder clinics in Victoria. My first admission for me just clarified that i had Anorexia Nervosa and i became a professional on the topic. Although being with like minded girls was at least a comfort, it became very competitive to me.

 

I journaled my life from age 12 so i still have the pages and pages of frustration, depression, meals, memories, names and wishes. The internet can be such an amazing tool for seeking help, however an eating disorder doesn’t want help, it wants advice. So i knew that wasn’t the help i needed.

 

It took 2 more admissions and the help of a friend on the outside to give me the push i needed to recover. I use the word lightly.

 

After any mental issue, the word recover brings so much glory, and bad days can bring shame and regret. I am currently in a place where my hair is growing lush and long, my skin has lost its down, my eyes are clear and i have energy to work, sleep, cook, love, play without lethargy.

 

I honestly believe i went through what i did as to help others. I just don’t know how to make that happen yet. Recovery is a journey worth taking.