Today is a huge wake up call to keep going.

I try not to think about where I should or could be, because I’m here. But when you’re parents are going on a trip, to the country you were living in last year and you should have still been over there to greet them. There’s a part of you that knows it would have been a completely different story to the one your saying now, I can’t help but reflect.

 

Last year I was living In Canada when I relapsed back into my anorexia. It happened slowly, without me really noticing in the beginning and moving to realising but making excuses for why I couldn’t change my habits. To then, once again not willing to release my “control.”

As I sit here in the airport, to see them off, My mind wanders off to where I could or should be, if anorexia didn’t take over my life … again.
I know everything happens for a reason, I know I had to learn lessons I didn’t quite grasp onto the first time round and I know I needed to learn the new art of “letting go… and …follow through”

If anything this moment of reflection has reminded me, don’t let this happen again!
Don’t put your blind fold on and tell yourself you don’t know that’s happening,
If you want to live overseas again, if you want to be well enough.
Today is a huge wake up call to keep going.

 

To follow through with recovery.

 

To not miss out on life anymore.

 

#itcostme is a hashtag started by the @thebutterflyfoundation
To show the economic and social impact of eating disorders in Australia.
It didn’t just cost me in my team of doctors, dietitians, psychologists and psychiatrist. #itcostme in my profession, in my relationships, my body, my mind, my soul.

 

It almost cost me my life.
If I take anything away from today, it’s that I’m on my path of recovery.

 

It’s that I’m one of the lucky ones still here and anorexia wasn’t strong enough to take my life.

 

It may have taken years away from me, but it didn’t take me.

 

I’ll be back here, at this airport, soon enough for my own travels, I will be healthy, I will be ready.

 

Anorexia will no longer cost me my life.

But back to my beautiful parents, who have supported me emotionally and finically throughout this entire experience. Without them I wouldn’t be where I am today.