You do have it in you – full recovery is possible
I never thought I would be here today to say that I’m well on my way to full recovery from my ED. Any ED thoughts are fleeting and unimportant, if they ever do show up. It’s not something I have to manage all the time, nor is it a constant voice in my head, or feeling of anxiety or guilt. That’s all a thing of the past. I still relish in that new found freedom to live my life.
I experienced a huge relapse in my ED and depression as I started a PhD. I had to put my whole life on hold and it felt so very impossible to get my life back on track, I felt like an absolute wreck and I was at the lowest of all lows. But thankfully I had access to treatment and I was able to tap into those qualities of my personality that got me there in the first place – being driven, thorough, achievement orientated, wanting to be special, and wanting respect and admiration. These all helped me to put full force into recovery, because I knew true strength came from fighting against the ED, and not trying to get to the lowest weight. Recovery was going to be my achievement. Hell, if I could fight against my whole biology, of course I had it in me to get back out of the hole I was in.
Eating disorder recovery has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. But let me say to you, anyone that goes through an ED and comes out the other side is a special type of person. Because of my experience I’ve grown into a new person that I’m excited to get to know. And with my experience I bring something valuable. I bring courage (from all the times I chose to face my demons head on), I bring immense empathy (for I know what suffering is), I bring hope (because I am proof that it can get better), and I bring purpose and meaning (in advocating for those with EDs and being in training as a psychologist). In your recovery you will learn so much about yourself and all that you offer to the world, even if you feel like that is nothing right now. Hang in there and give your absolute all towards full recovery – it feels so good to be free.