Supporting a loved one with an eating disorder during meal times

Mealtimes can bring up a whole host of emotions for an individual in eating disorder recovery – they might be experiencing guilt, confusion, fear and anxiety, and more intense eating disorder thoughts and urges.

It can also be one of the most difficult times as a carer, but how you respond can make a world of difference for your loved one.

It’s important to note that what works for one individual might not be effective for another. These tips are general in nature, and we’d recommend getting in touch with your treatment team, an eating disorder dietitian, a GP or the Butterfly National Helpline on 1800 ED HOPE for advice tailored to your situation.

Before mealtimes

Ask your loved one how they want to be supported and what might make them feel more comfortable during mealtimes.

It can often be beneficial to brainstorm what thoughts and feelings might arise, and how the individual can respond in ways consistent with their ‘healthy self’ and not the eating disorder.

Discuss this with your treatment team or healthcare professional ahead of time so you can know how to respond. Eating Disorders Queensland also offers meal support training via the ‘Shared Table’ program, or you can call the Butterfly National Helpline for confidential and free advice, 7 days a week, 8am-midnight (AEDT).

During mealtimes

Create a supportive environment

Try to establish a calm, relaxed environment, and model a healthy relationship with eating yourself. Be empathetic and try to avoid getting angry or frustrated – recognise that this is one of the hardest parts of recovery, but something that is essential.

Acknowledge the emotion that you’re loved one may be experiencing, and follow up with hopeful advice and validation, such as “I can see that this is feeling difficult for you, but it is important to get through this meal together / nourish your body with the nutrition it needs”.

Take the focus off food

It might sound counterproductive, but taking the focus off food during mealtimes can help alleviate distress, particularly during early stages of recovery. Keep conversations general and avoid discussing food, calories, weight or physical appearance.

Some people might like distractions during meals, such as watching a show, listening to music, doing a quiz, using conversation cards, or using a self-soothing item such as a ‘fidget’ toy or ‘stress’ ball.

Managing distress

If your loved one is experiencing distress during mealtimes, aim to provide authentic encouragement, validate their feelings, and remind them why recovery is important. You might like to say things like:

• “I can see that you’re trying really hard, and I trust that you can do this”
• “I can see that this is feeling really hard for you, and I appreciate you putting in efforts to support your healthy self”.
• “Food is fuel for the body / or it is important to give your body the nutrition it needs”.

After mealtimes

Debrief and decompress

After mealtimes is often when eating disorder thoughts are the strongest and anxiety and distress are high.

Stay present with your loved one and encourage them to talk about their feelings and thoughts and acknowledge and validate what they’re going through. Note their successes or struggles with the meal and celebrate any steps forward, no matter how small.

Offer a distraction

Offer a distraction post-meal, such as playing a game or getting some fresh air together to minimise the chances of engaging in compensatory behaviours after eating. Remind your loved one that you here to support them every step of the way through their recovery, and that they won’t always feel the way they do. Holding onto hope can be an important part of recovery.

Recovery takes time, but carers, families, and supporters can play a key role in helping someone through eating disorder recovery.

Get support

As a carer, it’s important to look after your own wellbeing and mental health too. Connecting with other carers going through a similar situation can be beneficial, and it’s important to take breaks from your caring role where possible.

• Butterfly’s Virtual Carer Support Groups are facilitated by trained facilitators who have lived experience of caring for a loved one with body image issues or an eating disorder, and are available Australia wide for any carers, friends, family or supporters aged 18+.
• Butterfly National Helpline – Contact the Helpline on 1800 ED HOPE (1800 33 4673) or chat online or email for confidential and free advice for carers.
• Eating Disorders Families Australia (EDFA) – EDFA offers support groups, counselling and education for carers and families of those with eating disorders.
• Chatting on the picnic blanket – Body Matters Zoom group meal support program

Learn more

•  The Shared Table – Eating Disorders Queensland carer training program
• Meal Support Training – Eating Disorders Carer Help Kit
• Tips for Providing Meal Support – Body Matters Australasia
• Meal Support: Practical Tools to Help a Loved One at Mealtimes – Inside Out Institute