24 Sep 2025

Weight Stigmatisation in the World of Plus Size Dating

This Weight Stigma Awareness Week, fat activist and journalist Demi Lynch shares her research around plus size dating in a world of harmful appearance ideal pressures.

I think we can all agree dating is hard. But dating as a plus size person? Now that’s an entirely different ballpark! Back in my online dating days, I would spend hours meticulously poring over my profile photos, trying to decide just how much of my body I was willing to show. If I hid any sign of fatness, I would be accused of gaslighting by future dates. But if I showed my whole fat body, I would be fat-shamed by strangers online. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Navigating the dating world as a fat person often means dealing with two extremes: partners who fetishise your body, and partners who are embarrassed of your body and choose to keep you hidden from their loved ones. This had been my dating experience for years. And as it turns out, I’m not the only one with these frustrations.

In my recent study, I surveyed nearly 700 women and non-binary individuals that identify as plus size or mid-size. The respondents ranged from various ages, sexualities and backgrounds – but they all had something to say when it came to the dating world. My research showed:

Over 66% had dated someone and/or hooked up with someone that made negative comments about their body.

Over 64% had dated someone and/or hooked up with someone that encouraged them to lose weight.

Over 77% had dated someone and/or hooked up with someone that made them feel self-conscious about their body.

Over 50% of participants had dated someone and/or hooked up with someone that kept them a secret from their friends/family.

59% had experienced fat shaming on dating apps.

54% had been fetishised on dating apps.

Over 88% said that dating as a plus size person was hard.

While these results didn’t surprise me, they still broke my heart. To know so many women and non-binary individuals are dehumanised and ostracised in the dating world saddens me. Many of them also echoed my frustrations towards these dating apps, agreeing that picking and choosing your profile photos is the epitome of a double-edged sword for fat people.

“I feel the pressure to post photos at my biggest size so I can’t be accused of “hiding” my fatness with just face pics.” – Ann*

“I try to post clear pictures and make it obvious that I am fat.” – Maggie*

“I feel like I have to make sure the guy KNOWS I’m fat before he agrees to meet me or whatever. I’m terrified of having any more experiences of disappointing someone immediately as soon as they see me.” – Tee*

“I’m never sure if my pictures are okay. Am I showing my fatness enough? Will people be disappointed when they meet me? Is that why I don’t get second dates?” – Zoe*

This added pressure to be the ‘perfect’ fat person on dating apps is just additional mental load for fat people. That’s why it was no surprise to me to read the following remarks by some of the survey respondents:

“I don’t date so I can avoid fat phobia and rejection.” – Karen*

“I feel like there’s no place for me in dating.” – Janette*

“I just don’t put myself out there – I have no capacity to deal with the shaming.” – Rachel

“I’ve withdrawn completely from dating because it’s hard.” – Sam*

“It’s so negative I’ve stopped dating.” – Danni*

Fat-shaming in the dating world can ruin your self-worth. This constant sense of feeling undesirable, rejected, fetishised and unworthy – all because of your body – is an experience too many fat people experience. As Aubrey Gordon perfectly puts it in her book, ‘You Just Need to Lose Weight: And 19 Other Myths About Fat People,’ “it is that stigma ‘who could love you’ that drives the perceived undesirability of fat people – anti-fatness, not fatness itself, fosters stigma against the desire and desirability of fat bodies.”

Anti-fatness rhetoric continues to pervade all areas of society. The world isn’t catered to our bodies. From the chairs we sit in, to the seatbelts we wear, to the medicine we’re prescribed, to even the visits to our local GP – we’re never a consideration, we’re an inconvenience. And our bodies are seen as the problem.

This is why we need awareness initiatives like Weight Stigma Awareness Week. We need to start having more conversations about the stigmatisation of fatness and how it affects so many aspects of our everyday living. A person’s worth shouldn’t be determined by their size and weight, yet society continues to mistreat us for simply existing in larger bodies.

People of all sizes need to learn about anti-fat bias and unlearn their fatphobia, so that maybe someday, we can live in a world where fat people can go see their GP without fear of being scrutinised, or board a plane without worrying their seats will be too small, or go on a date without anticipating that their body will be a topic of conversation. Anything is possible, if we try.

*Names have been changed

About the Author

Demi Lynch is a proud bisexual, autistic, fat activist and journalist. She is also the founder of the independent news media platform ‘Kaleidoscope News.’ In conjunction with this, Demi also runs the fat liberation page, ‘Faternise’ – a platform dedicated to fat news, fat fashion and fat activism.

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