Critically underweight, but yet wasn’t allowed to be admitted into a hospital

New years eve 2016 I skipped dinner, mum got mad at me and we fought and I cried myself to sleep. At this time in my life this was how I spent my nights.

New years day 2017, my aunt came over and told me we were going out for lunch and to me that was the worst possible thing I could do so I went to my room and cried, and cried some more.

My mum and aunt came into my room and told me that if I didn’t get myself together they would call the ambulance. Back then I did not want help, I wanted to stay “skinny”, so I pulled myself together the best I could. It was not until a few months ago that i found out that on new years day my mum had called the hospital and told them that she has a daughter who is critically underweight and need help now – I was being treated as an outpatient but it wasn’t working the only way we could see me recovering was by being tube feed and in a hospital. But what they told my mum still angers me to this very day – they told my mum that I was not at a low enough weight to be admitted but I can tell you now that I was critically underweight and my life was falling apart and they told my mum i was un-worthy of being admitted into a hospital.

At that point in my journey we had been through every option and nothing had worked – the only way we saw that my body could start functioning again, I could actually start eating and many more things.

My point is not only that our hospital system is very complicated and needs to be focusing on the state of the person’s bodily functions rather than their BMI or weight, but is that what may seem like the only escape at that time is not the only way.

I continued to be treated as an outpatient and it may have taken a good year and a half but I am now proud to say I am on a steady road to recovery and I have my body and life back.