If I can do it … you can do it!!
I used to pray that I’d wake up one day and be all healed from my anorexia nervosa, the illness that almost took my life! And well, I’m still here and even better, still in recovery from Anorexia nervosa, a disease that almost killed me, but instead I like to take the perspective that I got a second chance at starting life over on my terms … governed by my rules , in alignment with my heart , regardless of external influences, my prayers were being answered … step by step … day by day , week by week , year by year.
Yes that’s right, recovery was a very gradual process that was probably just what I needed , being that anorexia was kinda like a quick fix to my problems, to numbing my emotions, to feeling and connecting to giving myself the nourishment I decided and no longer living by the rules or expectations of others.
25 years ago I was hospitalised a very sick girl with anorexia nervosa with underlying depression and anxiety. Yes I was bullied about my weight, yes I was rejected about my image by many, yes I was sexually touched inappropriately, yes I had all the genetic predisposition with the gene being known in the family, so I guess it was a matter of time, or not!
Maybe I was the child that was over sensitive- an empath and ocd at times, however I was also happy, funny, loved life and grew up with a beautiful family in a country town. All of this was part of my journey and makes me who I am today. I accept without judgement and move forward to be grateful for the past, my lessons, lived experience and look forward to exciting and anticipating future, however I truly know the healing is all in the present … as there is only ever now. I have chosen to wake up every day and make healing and recovery my priority, to raise my consciousness, to use my super power ‘my awareness’ and my wisdom of the heart and soul to find my truest and highest self.
Together with modern day CBT therapies, gratitude, my yoga practice, spiritual practices yoga /meditation and journelling, I am so happy to say that I have found my healthy self and quietened my Ed self, allowing it to dissolve all my walls and the behaviours lessen more and more as I have strengthened healthy self.
It has been a long, slow recovery for me, however like they, say slow and steady wins the race … this is in fact one of the biggest lessons for me to slow down, be present, soak up life and immerse myself in nourishment and restore all my energy into my heart and soul … this has been my journey back home.
25 years on I have two healthy young children both girls … my karma ha ha and I am both a kids and adult yoga teacher and a chocolatier … running my own online dessert business catering Australia wide … with which I am my biggest fan!!! This business has been part of my recovery and I’m so proud and grateful to have had the opportunity to live to tell this story in hope that anyone is capable of recovery if I am.
My dream is to support others with recovery through my lived experience in an online space, yoga retreat and a space for recovery combining modern day and ancient wisdom practices, which I am working towards this dream every day and I’ll never give up, because 25 years ago I was given a second chance to realign, to accept the help, to take the brave steps, to allow vulnerability to be my strength and trust in my soul self to guide me and I’m doing it.
Life feels like it’s just beginning, at the age of 41. I don’t want to waste another day of suffering, life is about love, it’s about nourishing self, it’s about living on purpose and serving others.
My pain has become my greatest purpose and triumph. I have learnt so much in the process and my only wish is that I can leave a legacy of love and hope for others to know that well “if I did, so can you “!!!
Love and gratitude always Vivian.
