My fight against anorexia
It started when I was 14. I had always been conscious of the way I looked but this, this was different. I started small, just eating a little bit less and working out more. I knew all about eating disorders. we had studied them in school. I never thought I would be that girl, the girl with the eating disorder. it all seemed so far away, so unrealistic.
The small steps I took grew bigger. I started restricting, hiding food, and spent all my time fixated, concentrated, on my weight, my next meal, how much exercise I needed to do. I grew thinner, and I developed bruises on my back from all the sit ups I was doing in a desperate, vain attempt to try and lose the weight that I hated so much. It got to the point where I would stand in front of the mirror, naked, and look at all my flaws. From my eyes, there was nothing good about myself. I only felt good, only felt ok about myself, when I was hungry.
Eating brought shame and guilt, and visits to the bathroom where I could cry from my self-loathing, and consider all my options. I became obsessive over the amount of food I ate, and the number of calories I burnt.
The voices inside my head whispered to me incessantly, telling me that it wasn’t enough, no matter what I did.
I became concentrated on losing more and more weight, and it was never enough. I was underweight, faint and dizzy, fatigued, but I could not see these symptoms.
When I finally noticed that something was wrong, I was running, and suddenly, I could barely stand. I fell to the floor and did not move for maybe ten minutes, gathering my strength. I walked the rest of the way home and since then, have begun to get help for my condition, more commonly known as anorexia. Relapses are a still a regular occurrence for me.
But, this is my fight, and I won’t give up. I know that there are many others out there, who fight their own demons on a regular basis, and it is no different for me. Know that you are f***ing strong for getting this far, and please don’t give up hope.
Fighting your demons and fighting your own mind is one of the hardest things that anyone can do, but this is your fight. Don’t give up.